Damn those nerves.
While today's OSCE was better than yesterday's overall, it still didn't go as well as I'd hoped. At this point in time, my mind is filled with how I could have done better, what I should have said... Even though I keep telling myself 'forget about what's happened, there is nothing you can do now, just focus on revising for the exam on Friday...'. As much as I keep repeating that, I just can't stop reliving the nightmares from today and yesterday...
One of the today's station was ECG lead placement and interpretation. I was pretty good on the ECG placement part (I saw that I passed that, cheeky glance at the examiner's sheet) but then I saw she marked me borderline for the ECG interpretation part... That did not boost my confidence. I guess I was flustering quite a bit and didn't have a clear structure. The annoying thing is that I know how to read the ECG, I know how they want us to present it, I know the structure, but that just all went out of the window with the nerves. My mind was not a clear map, it was messed up wires, disorganised, and that was my downfall. Also, halfway on my tube journey to the library from the hospital, I realised that I also answered the wrong treatment for that ECG! Even though I know what the perfect answer is, I couldn't perform when it was really important. *facepalm* Words cannot describe how frustrated I am with myself.
There are moments now, when I just collapse my face into my hands and think 'Oh God, oh God, oh God, what if I've failed?! What if I've FAILED?!'.
There are some positive points though. I think the diabetic patient station went quite well. Also, the ethics and law one. I think everyone else found those ones better too.
Anyway, I shall tell myself again to not focus on the past and keep going forward. Friday will be the last day of exams!
Think happy thoughts.
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