Ambition and Being the Best

Can you become a doctor without ambition?

I don't think so.

I think for as long as I remember, I always wanted to be the best, be at the top. I was the big fish in the small pond for a while, but then the pond got bigger and I wasn't the big fish anymore. It was something that was quite hard to deal with, but I am quite happy and content now. Beating myself is what matters.

Honestly, almost everyone at med school is extremely smart and hard working. There will always be someone who is captain of the hockey team and president of medical society AND comes top of the year... It is scary. It is sometimes very daunting to think you have to compete with these people. It is tough. Especially for someone like me, who wants to do well.

This feeling is becoming more prominent as exam season is upon us. It just feels like a never ending black hole of drug names and diseases and medical procedures...

It is just so competitive. I wanted to become a neurosurgeon since I knew I wanted to study medicine. It was my dream. I had dedicated a lot of my time to 'boost my CV' around that area and finding out what it really entailed. I know the training programme and what you have to do to get on it. The working hours.. the loooonnngggg and endless working hours. I was prepared for all that. But people change. What I really want now is to have a fulfilling family life, be a good mother, and being a doctor comes second.



I am quite scared about the strains neurosurgical training will place on my personal life. Therefore, I decided to become an ophthalmologist instead. You can still do intricate surgery and there are still aspects of neurology involved. BUT, this is still a super competitive speciality. I still have to work hard.

I am not quire sure where I am going with this post, but I just feel that medical students do really have it quite tough. When we are at medical school, we have to do A LOT of studying, and on top of that do extra projects and extracurriculars. Then when we graduate, after 6 years, we basically get paid minimum wage, when you work out how many hours you work to how much money to actually get paid. There is no unsociable pay, no extra hours pay.

Sometimes I do wonder if I want to carry on with it all. If I will be a doctor for the rest of my life. It is such a long journey to the top, and even when you are at the top, you never stop learning. That is a fantastic thing, but at the same time, it is daunting. I think every medical student have doubts sometimes.

I mean, you do still get some students who just plods along, very average, and doesn't really know what they want to do/doesn't have an end goal yet. That works for them, but I can't not have something I can envision in the future. That keeps me focused.

If you are a medical student and reading this, tell me what you think. Do you have doubts sometimes? Or if you are not a medical student, tell me what you think too! What are your ambitions?